I found my soulmate at a gig, of all places.
He was a face among the crowd, but somehow he stood out. He was different. Unique. He wasn't like the others. He was talented yet reserved. He was good without even trying.
A silly bump led me to cross paths with him. God has the most intriguing way to lead me to my fate.
I was smitten. And for some weird twisted reason, he was too.
He found a soulmate in me, of all people.
Casual conversations felt like playing hide and seek. But somehow I told myself what could ever go wrong. I would not fall in love. I had no time for heartache.
But being around him made me feel a sense of euphoria I had never felt before. In an altered state of mind, I would gaze into his brown eyes as he talks about how Jimi died of his own vomit. In a whirlwind daze from the clouds, I would stare into space, watching how the plants move. My head was in the clouds, as I told myself not to fall in love as I had no time for heartache. I was scared of getting hurt.
But he didn't hurt me. He never was able to hurt me. He treated me in a way he had treated no one else before. He didn't know he was capable of being so perfect in someone's eyes. But he was.
He chose me, of all girls.
He would make me mixtapes, and keep me company all through the night. And I would listen to them over and over. I would close my eyes in the dark, listening to bowie and feeling like I had no other care in the world except for the songs and how they made me feel. I would close my eyes and feel infinite. Like the whole universe was in my eyes.
We had no care in the world. Our youth spent killing ourselves with booze and cigarettes and good music. Roaming in the night, stargazing and marvelling at the black sky peppered with sparkles. Having no care in the world. No responsibilities, no commitments. It was just us, having each other. We were rebellious but we knew how to take care of ourselves. And for that, it was the best time of our lives.
It was crazy how infatuated I was. His chiseled jawline, his sharp nose from the side. I would just sit quietly and listen as he goes on and on about everything he had in his mind. I would just listen and be captivated. It felt as if nothing in this world could pull me away from him. And when he was sick, I brought him to a doctor and did all I can to make him better.
Then, we had a bit of school and work here and there. Things got harder because we had less time with each other. I remembered when he hurt his hand, and my fleeting mind thought to make him feel better but it didn't work. It was something so insignificant but it was the first time my heart broke. And I didn't know my heart could hurt that much. I ran away to cry.
Little by little, my heart shattered. Hard. The intensity of my euphoria matched the intensity of my grief. But love gave me that strength to pick myself up again and mend the pieces. I couldn't let go.
We went deeper and deeper. Exposing all our vulnerabilities, every single bit of it. Too deep to ever come back out as a whole. Happiness and pain. Sadness and joy. Milestone after milestone, year after year. We held on.
Somewhere along the way, we got tied by the ankles with heavy shackles. Our youth was gone and responsibilities have caught up with us. Living the mundane life as all we had to think about was work and money and a way to sustain ourselves. That childish flame in us still lives on, but it is eclipsed by the very thing we thought would never get the better of us. We all change over time. We have no choice. And adapting to change is normal. But is reminiscing about what once was normal too? Because aI am proud of who you are and who you have become.
But I will always miss our adventures. Walking in the rain, our tiny camp, our marshmallows at the skate park. Listening to the waves crash on a lazy afternoon. I miss drinking avocado with chocolate, I miss the way you care for me when I was always sick and pale. I miss the food you would cook. I miss the nights I would smoke with you at the park, when we would braid each other's hair and watch movies I've never heard of. I miss making each other mixtapes and drawing on the covers. I miss wearing your flannel during cold nights. I miss discovering new bands and walking around aimlessly. I miss discovering you and our picnics at the hill. I miss the smell of your tshirt and seeing you in the grey pants you always wear. I miss the way you would smile and laugh nervously. I miss waking up in the morning and having breakfast with you. I miss lying on your lap while you draw paisleys and frogs. I miss the way you don't give a fuck about the world. I miss our deep conversations about society, drugs and life. I miss you.
I miss you a lot. Because without you, it feels like I have nothing.
Wednesday, 20 April 2016
Monday, 8 February 2016
08 The A-Z of driving at BBDC - How I got my license at the very first try (part 2)
Here is part 1 of this 2 part post about how I obtained my driver's license.
So now that you are ready for practical lessons, I would suggest for you to read your practical book before starting your engine. (The light blue book) It will give you a guide as to what you will be learning from stage 1 to 5.
1. Deciding upon fixed group or non fixed group
I would actually recommend putting in a little bit more money in order to get a fixed group. It is entirely up to you. But before you fix a group, try out a few lessons in a non-fixed group setting. This will give you the opportunity to try out different instructors to determine which one suits you best, or which one clicks with you the most (Think of it like a date. Open yourself to multiple dates and pick the one you'd choose as your partner! haha!)
non-fixed group: If you are cool with meeting new instructors and learning from different perspectives every time, then you would probably be cool with not fixing a group. You don't have to waste extra dollars.
fixed-group: If you are easily confused and do not like the fact that one person says this while another says that, you should fix a group. This will enable you to fix an instructor. Kind of like private instructor but you have the option to pick someone else in the group at any moment of time you'd like.
I personally did a hybrid. Sometimes, I would fix an instructor who gave me a lot of freedom to make mistakes and be independent. Other times I would just leave it up to who is available during the time that i am available. Other times, I would fix with someone who would give me specific tips on certain techniques. I find that it works best for me, even though I spend more.
2. Getting your PDL
Getting your PDL is quite time consuming but easy. Head to level 2 of the centre, get to the machine next to the theory test classroom, and select PDL. They'll give you a queue number. Once your number is called, they will do an eye test at the counter itself. It's just a colour test and to see the direction of the Es in different sizes. Get ready your $25 bucks for this purchase via NETS (credit card is also accepted I think. No cash though).
Similar as how you booked your theory lessons, book your practical lessons under the practical training tab. Make sure you are able to have enough money to BLOCK BOOK your lessons (book at least 25 lessons at one time, if possible. If not, maybe 10-15 lessons) to ensure that you are able to secure the slots you want. It gets really difficult to book because there are so many people taking diving license nowadays!
Stage 1
- One stage is not one subject! (I was naive to think that it was okay. haha) It will be broken up into 11 mini subjects. Thus, for each lesson slot, the instructor will try to cover about 1 or 2 subjects with you. If you're super fast, he might even cover 3. (so about 5 lessons in total) Basically, you drive around the circuit in circles and get familiar with left and right turns. The positioning of your foot and the way your turn your steering wheel are important at this point.
*What to do on your first lesson:
-Make sure you arrive a few minutes before the actual lesson (rushing before your lesson might stress you out, making you unable to focus)
-Don't forget to bring your IC, once you reach the centre, you need to scan your IC at the red kiosk machine which is right next to the entrance. A slip of paper will be ejected. It will tell you your car number and the area that car would be. (Area A and B are on the left while C - F are on the right). There are seats available for your to wait. You can also just chill at the canteen till the bell rings I guess.
- Don't stand at the car like a doodoo before the bell rings because you will probably be the only person doing it. Yes, there will be a bell. once you hear it, walk towards your car and wait for your instructor to arrive.
Stage 2
- A total of 11 subjects + 1 Driving simulator (DS) lesson. (7-8 lessons in total)
Stage 2 means you finally get to go out on the road! They'll start you off with left turns first to build up your confidence. Then you'll get to try out right turns. If you drive at night, remember to turn on your headlights and not to put them to high beam! (twist the knob on the right side of the stick thingy to on the headlights and pull it towards you to ensure high beam is not on). During this stage, ask as many questions and you can and get the instructor to tell you what you should improve on. (Actually you should kind of know by judging for yourself. For me, lane changing was my weakness as I was really not confident of it). You can also ask your instructor to help you brush up on your weak points if there is time.
You will know by stage 2.10 (or somewhere there) that you will be able to book for the DS lesson. The DS lesson is actually really fun, kind of like a video game you play at the arcade. Make full use of that one lesson because that will be the only time you are able to speed up super fast and crash into things without killing yourself!
Stage 3
- Another 11 subjects (about 5 lessons in total). You will be back in the circuit, learning specific techniques for things like parking, 3 point turns, emergency brakes, and driving in S course/crank course. You may head out to the road at times if you have time but mostly, the lessons in stage 3 focuses mainly on circuit stuff that will get you prepared for the TP test.
Stage 4
- Stage 4 (4 lessons in total ) is basically revision lessons that combine all that you know from stages 1-3. You will be in the circuit and on the roads, practicing on everything. This is also when you will be introduced to all the 10 test routes of the TP test. The drill goes likes this: Do every circuit course at least once (parallel park, vertical park, s course, crank course, e brake, directional change, slope, ramp) and then do 2 test routes.
Stage 5
- This is the moment of truth. The moment when you'll know if you are okay enough to even go for the TP test. You'll do the same drill as stage 4 lessons, followed by 2 final test routes. Your instructor will assess and determine how many demerit points you get. Take this as a note to self for your TP test. You are ready!
Booking your TP test
Put in the effort to find the right time slot for the test. Off-peak hours are the best. Between 12-4 I suppose? Mine was at 2 on a Friday, the traffic was not that bad (although I thought it would be due to the fact that it was right before Chinese new year and that it was Friday prayers). Ask your instructor what time would be best.
During your test
BREATHE!!! Pray as much as you can!
Once you get to the centre, scan your IC at the red kiosk as usual. Then, chill outside this room next to the registration counters (that is where video screenings will be shown to those who have already passed the test). Some people will be there to ask if you are taking the TP test and assist you. They'll take your PDL and IC. You can then proceed to your car which was stated on the slip. This is where you'll start to do your warm up.
During your warm up, do as best as you can and learn from whatever last minute advice the instructor told you. I failed straight away during my warm up as I did not lane change before turning left. Stupid mistake, but you will totally fumble due to your nervousness. Thank goodness it was just a warm up. But make sure you remember those flaws!
After warm up, you will be brought to level 2, at a room on the left corner. This is the waiting area. You chill there for a few minutes until your fated tester calls your name! Thereafter, brace yourself and do your best.
I got test route 10. I was really lucky because the route was similar to my warm up route, if not it was exactly the same. Do your circuit courses (remember your stage 4-5 stuff!) and complete the route. When you drive back into the circuit, remember that the test is only over AFTER you off the engine. Make sure you check your blind spots and stay within lane when you park your car back at the test area.
Once done, head back to level 2, where you will be asked to sit at the front of the room which has tiny desks and chairs filled with test takers and their nervous faces. Sit at one of the tables to wait for your debrief session with your tester. He will point out all your mistakes and tell you to improve. If you fail or pass, do remember the things he pointed out as they are really helpful in terms of safety.
If you pass, hurrah! Head down to level 1, back to that room where you first started this morning and watch the scary gore videos.
Thereafter, take your passport sized photos and head back up to level 2 to apply for your ACTUAL DRIVER'S LICENSE!
*Don't forget the passport photos, or else you would be wasting time having to wait for your turn only to find out you don't have the complete materials.
Expenditure
My total expenditure was about $2,400 (I burned a number of lessons because I was sick or had other last minute issues). Nevertheless, considering the fact that I used my own money to fund for everything, I am pretty proud of myself!
breakdown (estimated):
enrolment fee: $97
Theory lesson:$17
Theory practice: $3
Driving simulator: $14
Theory test: $7
practical: each lesson ranges from $69 - $80, depending on time, and whether it is fixed grp/instructor or not.
TP test: $236
08 The A-Z of driving at BBDC - How I got my license at the very first try (part 1)
Hello and welcome!
It has been way too long since I posted anything on the blog. Thus, thought I should revive it with a little post about my humble achievement recently. Actually, a lot of things have happened during the course of the past few years but maybe I'll save that for another blog post.
Today, i want to focus on the topic of getting a license. I realised that there has not been that many posts or forums out there specifically giving people a heads up on every single detail about what to do. Most are just personal experiences and emotions. I want to share my own personal experience too but also keep things as informative as possible in the hopes of helping anyone out there who is totally lost and clueless from the very beginning as I once was. I'll try to remember as much as i can.
1. Choosing between a Private or School course
The first thing you need to do is to figure out which mode you are most comfortable with. If you have any connections with private instructors who is known to give great driving lessons, then by all means go for it. I heard they are cheaper anyway. However, I chose school because:
- I did not know (or rather, did not bother to find) anyone who could give private lessons
- BBDC was really convenient from my house. 187 directly gets me to the school from my house's bus stop. There are other busses too, namely: 188, 945, 985. There is also a free shuttle bus service from Bukit Gombak MRT station. I have never taken the shuttle bus before, but that huge bus seriously stops right smack at the circuit inside BBDC.
- The school provides a really structured format of learning. You have to take 2 basic theory, 2 final theory lessons, and some practice and evaluation lessons before the BTT and FTT. For practical, you have to book at least 24 lessons (each of them teaching you something specific) before you get evaluated to see if you are okay enough for the TP test. You will know where you are and what you should do during the next lesson.
It's your own preference i suppose. I prefer the structured approach.
2. Enrol yourself
method a)
Online pre enrolment: You can easily go to the website and pre-enrol yourself online using the form. Fill up your particulars as instructed and make a deposit via your credit card. Thereafter, I think you should print out the form after you have completed everything and head your way to the centre to confirm your enrolment.
PROS of method a)
- You can fill up the form at any time you want, at your own pace. This is convenient if you happen to not be available during the information counter's opening hours.
- You can pay via credit card and not have to trouble yourself with fumbling with your money on the day itself.
- Your enrolment process at the centre will be relatively quicker. They will just check your particulars and give you the bag full of books and stuff.
CONS of method a)
- You still need to go down to the centre anyway.
- You might wrongly fill in your particulars online if you don't have another pair of eyes to check them for you (which you can rectify when you physically go to the centre)
- Might not be ideal if you don't have a credit card in the first place
method b)
Just go down to the centre, head to the information counter and tell the counter lady that you would like to enrol for driving course. They will ask if you want private or school (thus, the first step should be considered). Thereafter, she will give you a queue number and you will fill up the form while waiting for your queue number to be called. You will then go to the respective booth when your queue number is called. The friendly staff will assist you and go through the entire course structure with you.
PROS of method b)
- It's just a one-step process from start to finish when you head to the centre directly. The staff are really friendly and helpful.
CONS of method b)
- It might not be the ideal time for you to go there as it might clash with your own working hours. Thus, best to go on a weekends. but..
- the waiting time might be long.
After you have been officially enrolled, you will walk out of that centre with a cute paper bag filled with all the reading materials for your theory and practical lessons. Hooray! The staff would have equipped you with the BBDC member login (your IC and password). With that, you can start booking your theory lessons via the online portal.
3. Theory Lessons and Practices
a) Theory lessons:
My advice would be to just book all the theory lessons in one sitting, just so that you can get it done and over with. Each lesson is 1hr 40 mins (a lot of times, it would end pretty fast) so if you have about 3 hours 20 minutes to spare each day, you will be done with your theory lessons in 2 days. Remember to bring your IC during every lesson because they will need to scan your IC to ensure that you have attended.
Do pay attention during the theory lessons though because sometimes the instructors will give you "exam questions" or tips that you should look out for. They would even ask you to take out your book and bookmark or highlight a certain page which will usually come out during the tests. Do note them.
b) Theory practice:
After your lessons, book a couple of theory practice lessons before you go book your theory evaluations. These are just a bunch of multiple choice questions. You have to sit in a class which has a bunch of monitors on the desks (classroom 7 if I am not wrong?), log in and tap on the screen to choose the right answer. I usually try to sit at the back of the class because then, no one would see me make stupid mistakes. Either the screen is big, or i am very self conscious. Haha. If I remember correctly, go up to level 2 and turn right to classroom 7. You'll see a bunch of people chilling with their theory books, waiting for the prior slot to be over so they can enter and start doing their practice.
Best would be to book 2 practice lessons when you are free and one more practice slot RIGHT BEFORE your evaluation. That would keep your memory super fresh for you to pass your evaluation in order to be eligible to book for BTT/FTT. During your practice lessons, answer as many questions as you can (they have about 10 booklets full of questions if I remember). Try to learn from the mistakes and remember the right answers. It doesn't matter if you fail the practice because what matters are the evaluations and tests. So try to remember what were the correct answers (they are usually kinda easy and repeated so no worries!)
c) Theory tests:
As with the evaluations, try to book some practice slots and one slot RIGHT BEFORE the test. I didn't manage to do that though, because my test timing was right after work. Nevertheless, I thankfully managed to pass pretty well so yeah, the practice lessons (even after you pass evaluation) really helps.
*MILESTONE*
You passed your theory! Now on to the real deal. Practical lessons!
Unfortunately, this post seems a little long now. I will leave the practical portion to part 2. Stay tuned~
Saturday, 24 May 2014
07 - Pressure
I had a pretty hectic week.
While my friends are enjoying their post-graduation vacations, here I am scouting around for jobs.
See, I don't come from a particularly rich family and I need to earn my own money to support myself.
I have come to the point where I feel like I am old enough to NOT ask my parents for money.
But the thing is... I am totally the baby of the family. Being the youngest sibling, I get pampered and sheltered. A lot. Therefore, my little sensitive heart has been carefully taken care of all these years.
So I really felt like I was drowning in the 2.5meter pool of "ADULTHOOD" when I started scurrying around for jobs as soon as I felt ready to get one. And I was drowning in a 3meter pool when I started working earlier this week.... All because I really wanted an immediate job with money, I actually forgot my limits, capabilities and interests. I just wanted money. I just wanted to be secure, I just wanted to have a job to support myself. Little did I know, the intimidation of the working world is much akin to being forced into a life of perpetual terror.
Let's just start off with last week. I was going through pages after pages of job adverts, calling for temporary positions, thinking I will be able to secure SOME kind of permanent job in August. (tough luck, lynn)
I stumbled across a particular advert as a HR person. (No I will not disclose information about the company nor other details.) I applied for it, went through THREE freaking interviews and got the job.
However, when started work the following week (early this week), I was thinking to myself:
"what were they thinking, hiring a girl like me?"
First off, I felt like an awkward penguin sitting all by myself when I first entered the office. Everyone was minding their own business, talking in their mother tongue. I was just like.. oookay, I have no idea what anyone is talking about in their blabbering conversations. It was just a slur of "blablablas" making me zone out.
Then there was a meeting where temp kids are supposed to tell the big boss how they've done for the week, whether they have achieved targets and so on.. Some seem intimidating while others look pretty alright. It was then my turn for a self introduction and I was like... Okay, that went well.. (:
So yeah I was motivated to do my best for this job! That was probably the only euphoric peak I ever experienced for the entire duration of my working there.
Let's just say I was lost the entire time and my awkwardness and anxiety showed its ugly face again. I thought I really was quite capable of doing the job, as I did put in a lot of effort in keeping up, calling hundreds of people and trying to coordinate SOMETHING. But I just couldn't quite cut it.
After a few hours, I just thought to myself: What am i doing? Why am I here?
It just doesn't make sense to me. Or maybe I just don't see the value of doing this job.
I mean I already felt ostracized when I realized I was the only malay and I couldn't speak their language.
I also felt a little scared to be obnoxious to my colleagues for asking too many questions and still be unclear of what I am actually supposed to do.
Yes they did give me some ideas on how to do the job, but the "training" was much too fast.
One minute you're being introduced to all the colleagues, the next minute, you are learning how to go to this portal and vaguely operate the interface.
Three days later, I finally snapped and told my colleague that I could not handle the pressure.
It was after work and I waited for her to finish talking to a client.
"Oh hey, you're still here! Once you're done, you can pack up and go home for the day(:"
"can I speak to you for a while?"
And I broke down.
Yes I cried and it was embarrassing.. It felt liberating though, knowing that I will not have to continue working there for the next few months. It felt like a heavy baggage had been lifted.
So here I am now, back to square one, trying to find something to do.
Tomorrow I will be heading to a community club to see if I would like to join as a student mentor. It is only a once-a-week thing it is probably only enough to cover my bus fares. Which means I need to do something else as well.
But yeah, even that position, I am cautious and apprehensive. I do not want to be in a career where I am miserable. I need to see where my interest lies. I have a plan though. I will need to do a lot of things before I can call myself capable.
1. I need to upgrade myself. Drawing? writing? photoshop? other design software? A particular language? I need to familiarize myself in the field that I am taught.
2. What do I REALLY like? Teaching? Kids? Books? Art? I realized I am so much of an all-rounder, that I don't specialize in anything nor do I have a burning passion for ONE particular thing. I need to think about this.
I will probably provide tips on how to do well under pressure and how to find the right path to adulthood.
But as of now, I am still a lost puppy, trying to find my way in the darkness...
I hope sharing my experience can provide you with some life lessons, or maybe even a tiny insignificant lesson (but a lesson nonetheless!) Good luck to all of us and may we find the right path in our lives.
While my friends are enjoying their post-graduation vacations, here I am scouting around for jobs.
See, I don't come from a particularly rich family and I need to earn my own money to support myself.
I have come to the point where I feel like I am old enough to NOT ask my parents for money.
But the thing is... I am totally the baby of the family. Being the youngest sibling, I get pampered and sheltered. A lot. Therefore, my little sensitive heart has been carefully taken care of all these years.
So I really felt like I was drowning in the 2.5meter pool of "ADULTHOOD" when I started scurrying around for jobs as soon as I felt ready to get one. And I was drowning in a 3meter pool when I started working earlier this week.... All because I really wanted an immediate job with money, I actually forgot my limits, capabilities and interests. I just wanted money. I just wanted to be secure, I just wanted to have a job to support myself. Little did I know, the intimidation of the working world is much akin to being forced into a life of perpetual terror.
Let's just start off with last week. I was going through pages after pages of job adverts, calling for temporary positions, thinking I will be able to secure SOME kind of permanent job in August. (tough luck, lynn)
I stumbled across a particular advert as a HR person. (No I will not disclose information about the company nor other details.) I applied for it, went through THREE freaking interviews and got the job.
However, when started work the following week (early this week), I was thinking to myself:
"what were they thinking, hiring a girl like me?"
First off, I felt like an awkward penguin sitting all by myself when I first entered the office. Everyone was minding their own business, talking in their mother tongue. I was just like.. oookay, I have no idea what anyone is talking about in their blabbering conversations. It was just a slur of "blablablas" making me zone out.
Then there was a meeting where temp kids are supposed to tell the big boss how they've done for the week, whether they have achieved targets and so on.. Some seem intimidating while others look pretty alright. It was then my turn for a self introduction and I was like... Okay, that went well.. (:
So yeah I was motivated to do my best for this job! That was probably the only euphoric peak I ever experienced for the entire duration of my working there.
Let's just say I was lost the entire time and my awkwardness and anxiety showed its ugly face again. I thought I really was quite capable of doing the job, as I did put in a lot of effort in keeping up, calling hundreds of people and trying to coordinate SOMETHING. But I just couldn't quite cut it.
After a few hours, I just thought to myself: What am i doing? Why am I here?
It just doesn't make sense to me. Or maybe I just don't see the value of doing this job.
I mean I already felt ostracized when I realized I was the only malay and I couldn't speak their language.
I also felt a little scared to be obnoxious to my colleagues for asking too many questions and still be unclear of what I am actually supposed to do.
Yes they did give me some ideas on how to do the job, but the "training" was much too fast.
One minute you're being introduced to all the colleagues, the next minute, you are learning how to go to this portal and vaguely operate the interface.
Three days later, I finally snapped and told my colleague that I could not handle the pressure.
It was after work and I waited for her to finish talking to a client.
"Oh hey, you're still here! Once you're done, you can pack up and go home for the day(:"
"can I speak to you for a while?"
And I broke down.
Yes I cried and it was embarrassing.. It felt liberating though, knowing that I will not have to continue working there for the next few months. It felt like a heavy baggage had been lifted.
So here I am now, back to square one, trying to find something to do.
Tomorrow I will be heading to a community club to see if I would like to join as a student mentor. It is only a once-a-week thing it is probably only enough to cover my bus fares. Which means I need to do something else as well.
But yeah, even that position, I am cautious and apprehensive. I do not want to be in a career where I am miserable. I need to see where my interest lies. I have a plan though. I will need to do a lot of things before I can call myself capable.
1. I need to upgrade myself. Drawing? writing? photoshop? other design software? A particular language? I need to familiarize myself in the field that I am taught.
2. What do I REALLY like? Teaching? Kids? Books? Art? I realized I am so much of an all-rounder, that I don't specialize in anything nor do I have a burning passion for ONE particular thing. I need to think about this.
I will probably provide tips on how to do well under pressure and how to find the right path to adulthood.
But as of now, I am still a lost puppy, trying to find my way in the darkness...
I hope sharing my experience can provide you with some life lessons, or maybe even a tiny insignificant lesson (but a lesson nonetheless!) Good luck to all of us and may we find the right path in our lives.
Friday, 9 May 2014
06- Failing
I had wanted to talk about anger management since last week, but I feel like I have more to pour out on this topic of failing at the moment with regards to how I am feeling today.
So there is this app called carousell that everyone is into at the moment.
I had downloaded this app way before my loved ones has because I discovered them on my own while I was looking through my University's emails and textbook forums.
So yeah... I had it before it was cool xD *hipster wannabe*
The first time I tried to sell an item on the app was my school textbooks. I only sold one... But it was rather exhilarating!
And then I suddenly acquired a skill for stitching things from felt. So I made felt sleep masks and felt card holders and it felt good when everyone (even strangers) liked them and thought they were cute.
I felt more and more confident being able to make my own handicraft items and sell them to my friends that I was able to sell a couple of card holders to a couple of strangers via carousell. It was great (:
Then I was clearing out my closet and thought hmm... Perhaps I should sell these clothes that don't fit me.. The clothes that sisters pass to me when THEY were clearing out their closets. In other words, HAND ME DOWNS..
So yes, I posted a ton of hand me downs on carousell...
And it was terrible. People kept asking me the same questions when I already posted the standard answer on my carousell profile.. People kept asking me for dimensions in inches and this and that..
In my mind I was like "gosh just buy it and don't ask so many questions-.-"
So today I managed to almost sell two of those hand me down items from carousell.. Keyword: ALMOST.
It was a disaster... I was foolish as I overestimated the quality and condition of those items. And I guess I didn't know how to check them properly. Usually, I personally don't care about the quality of my clothes. Ripped, torn, stained, cut... I thought torn clothes added PERSONALITY :3
But that's just my opinion..
I went all way to almost the central area to pass a bag to a buyer (let's call her buyer #1). It was really far if I were to have gone myself (Luckily my dad was free so he sent me there.. He's such a nice dad <3 ) And it was really a hassle to get there..
Made the deal and yadda yadda... I even asked her to check infront of me and she was cool with the item. So phew..
Got on the train to another place to meet another buyer and guess who texted. Yes it was buyer #1. She suddenly told me the item as defective.. and took a video to show me.. AHHH GREAT... What do I do now? I can't go back as I was already halfway to another place. I told her she could just fix it herself and what not. I literally didn't know what else to do. I had no idea if I was calm or not. I felt that I was.. I wasn't panicking nor was I anxious. I just felt really stupid for not realizing the item was defective. (It was a gift from my sister that I never used... So naturally I assumed there was nothing wrong with it since it was new. How very wrong I was)
I had to tell someone to pour out how I feel. In Malay terms it is called "mengadu". If you translate that word into English it means "complain". But the term "mengadu" is more than to complain. It is to let out one's feelings with hopes for sympathetic comprehension. It has an affectionate tone to it. Kind of like a cat with big circle eyes, giving snuggles and tiny meows for want of attention. Or a puppy dog with puppy dog eyes, whimpering.. I felt that I had to mengadu to dear boyfriend since I tell him everything.
Big mistake. My text came off as full of anxiety, panic and of much insignificance. I sounded like I was a helpless baby drowning in a tiny puddle. It didn't come out the way I wanted to. It didn't sound like what he wanted to hear from me. The first misunderstanding since quite a while (few weeks I suppose) because the tone of my text sounded off...
But yes, I learnt my lesson and dealt with it calmly.
Thankfully, everything was resolved and we managed to get over the petty argument and apologize to each other. I think it's healthy that we have been able to resolve our conflicts maturely and properly instead of ending up in tears and swollen eyes. Yes, I feel that this was a step towards success in our relationship after multiple times of failing to learn from my mistake and crying over the failure. I think this time we both did something right to avoid a small petty issue from blowing up into a big feud. I think we both managed to learn our lessons and deal with the problem calmly. I think I did a good job in staying silent and subservient at the right time and speaking up to apologize at the right time. And I think he did a good job in staying cool and accepting what I had to say.
It ended up very well and we ended our night very well.. Thank God (:
As for buyer #1.. Bf did tell me a piece of advice which I didn't think of.. Which was a refund. And yeah, I gave #1 half a refund and everything was cool in the end. (Although I did feel really tired from all the traveling around and the hassle of having to deal here and there)
And buyer #2 bailed because she wanted to meet at a much later time and then I told her about the quality of this hand me down shorts (a tiny small stain) and she was like 'okay thanks for informing me (: ' and cancelled the deal..
So yeah... My carousell deals today were a complete failure.. I only gained $2 from all that hassle.. Which was not even enough to send me home.. hahaha..
But despite the failure, I feel that it is okay.
It's okay to fail and it's okay to have gone through one day of toughness.
It brings about an increased sense of experience and it provides with with wisdom and practical information for the future.
I have a plan though.
I plan to quickly let go of all these hand me downs.. Low price.. maybe even by mail since meet-ups are sooooo tiring..
And focus on my handicraft because I realized that selling my handicrafts was that one thing that made me happy.
It was not the act of selling things to gain profit that made me happy.
It was seeing their excited reactions to my handicraft works that made me happy.
It was sewing cute things and getting inspired by art that made me happy.
So I am not going to give up.
These hand me downs that I am selling on carousell... If people want to buy them, I will make sure the quality is alright. By the end of May,I shall just clear out these hand me down items and start slowly selling my handicraft items if I can. If I get any profit from the hand me down sales, I shall just use the money as savings for the handicraft.
Yes, I have failed today.
But I have failed to be happy the first time I started this blog.
I have failed on quite a number of things in my life.
But fear of failure, or passive aggressive attitude towards failure is not the way.
It would be in my very nature to simply say
"Ahh... I suck.. Might as well just pack my bag and leave" .. Yes I have done that many times. My first job, my first tryout for a TV show, my first horrible failing grade, my first relationship..
But I don't want to walk away from that apprehension towards failure anymore. I always read about how successful people fail many times before succeeding. I want to be like that. I want to climb up there.
It's okay to fail. Just get back up again..
But that's not all.....
Chances are, you might not go anywhere if you fall, get back up just to fall again because you did the same exact mistake that caused you to fall. Maybe if you're lucky or tough and persistent, you'd get over that and win. But let's be smarter..
Get back up again but with a different tactic this time. Learn from the mistake and try again another way.
Fail again.. It's okay.. Try a different angle this time. Besides, that's how scientists discover theories and inventions anyway, right? (:
Let's be scientists then!
So there is this app called carousell that everyone is into at the moment.
I had downloaded this app way before my loved ones has because I discovered them on my own while I was looking through my University's emails and textbook forums.
So yeah... I had it before it was cool xD *hipster wannabe*
The first time I tried to sell an item on the app was my school textbooks. I only sold one... But it was rather exhilarating!
And then I suddenly acquired a skill for stitching things from felt. So I made felt sleep masks and felt card holders and it felt good when everyone (even strangers) liked them and thought they were cute.
I felt more and more confident being able to make my own handicraft items and sell them to my friends that I was able to sell a couple of card holders to a couple of strangers via carousell. It was great (:
Then I was clearing out my closet and thought hmm... Perhaps I should sell these clothes that don't fit me.. The clothes that sisters pass to me when THEY were clearing out their closets. In other words, HAND ME DOWNS..
So yes, I posted a ton of hand me downs on carousell...
And it was terrible. People kept asking me the same questions when I already posted the standard answer on my carousell profile.. People kept asking me for dimensions in inches and this and that..
In my mind I was like "gosh just buy it and don't ask so many questions-.-"
So today I managed to almost sell two of those hand me down items from carousell.. Keyword: ALMOST.
It was a disaster... I was foolish as I overestimated the quality and condition of those items. And I guess I didn't know how to check them properly. Usually, I personally don't care about the quality of my clothes. Ripped, torn, stained, cut... I thought torn clothes added PERSONALITY :3
But that's just my opinion..
I went all way to almost the central area to pass a bag to a buyer (let's call her buyer #1). It was really far if I were to have gone myself (Luckily my dad was free so he sent me there.. He's such a nice dad <3 ) And it was really a hassle to get there..
Made the deal and yadda yadda... I even asked her to check infront of me and she was cool with the item. So phew..
Got on the train to another place to meet another buyer and guess who texted. Yes it was buyer #1. She suddenly told me the item as defective.. and took a video to show me.. AHHH GREAT... What do I do now? I can't go back as I was already halfway to another place. I told her she could just fix it herself and what not. I literally didn't know what else to do. I had no idea if I was calm or not. I felt that I was.. I wasn't panicking nor was I anxious. I just felt really stupid for not realizing the item was defective. (It was a gift from my sister that I never used... So naturally I assumed there was nothing wrong with it since it was new. How very wrong I was)
I had to tell someone to pour out how I feel. In Malay terms it is called "mengadu". If you translate that word into English it means "complain". But the term "mengadu" is more than to complain. It is to let out one's feelings with hopes for sympathetic comprehension. It has an affectionate tone to it. Kind of like a cat with big circle eyes, giving snuggles and tiny meows for want of attention. Or a puppy dog with puppy dog eyes, whimpering.. I felt that I had to mengadu to dear boyfriend since I tell him everything.
Big mistake. My text came off as full of anxiety, panic and of much insignificance. I sounded like I was a helpless baby drowning in a tiny puddle. It didn't come out the way I wanted to. It didn't sound like what he wanted to hear from me. The first misunderstanding since quite a while (few weeks I suppose) because the tone of my text sounded off...
But yes, I learnt my lesson and dealt with it calmly.
Thankfully, everything was resolved and we managed to get over the petty argument and apologize to each other. I think it's healthy that we have been able to resolve our conflicts maturely and properly instead of ending up in tears and swollen eyes. Yes, I feel that this was a step towards success in our relationship after multiple times of failing to learn from my mistake and crying over the failure. I think this time we both did something right to avoid a small petty issue from blowing up into a big feud. I think we both managed to learn our lessons and deal with the problem calmly. I think I did a good job in staying silent and subservient at the right time and speaking up to apologize at the right time. And I think he did a good job in staying cool and accepting what I had to say.
It ended up very well and we ended our night very well.. Thank God (:
As for buyer #1.. Bf did tell me a piece of advice which I didn't think of.. Which was a refund. And yeah, I gave #1 half a refund and everything was cool in the end. (Although I did feel really tired from all the traveling around and the hassle of having to deal here and there)
And buyer #2 bailed because she wanted to meet at a much later time and then I told her about the quality of this hand me down shorts (a tiny small stain) and she was like 'okay thanks for informing me (: ' and cancelled the deal..
So yeah... My carousell deals today were a complete failure.. I only gained $2 from all that hassle.. Which was not even enough to send me home.. hahaha..
But despite the failure, I feel that it is okay.
It's okay to fail and it's okay to have gone through one day of toughness.
It brings about an increased sense of experience and it provides with with wisdom and practical information for the future.
I have a plan though.
I plan to quickly let go of all these hand me downs.. Low price.. maybe even by mail since meet-ups are sooooo tiring..
And focus on my handicraft because I realized that selling my handicrafts was that one thing that made me happy.
It was not the act of selling things to gain profit that made me happy.
It was seeing their excited reactions to my handicraft works that made me happy.
It was sewing cute things and getting inspired by art that made me happy.
So I am not going to give up.
These hand me downs that I am selling on carousell... If people want to buy them, I will make sure the quality is alright. By the end of May,I shall just clear out these hand me down items and start slowly selling my handicraft items if I can. If I get any profit from the hand me down sales, I shall just use the money as savings for the handicraft.
Yes, I have failed today.
But I have failed to be happy the first time I started this blog.
I have failed on quite a number of things in my life.
But fear of failure, or passive aggressive attitude towards failure is not the way.
It would be in my very nature to simply say
"Ahh... I suck.. Might as well just pack my bag and leave" .. Yes I have done that many times. My first job, my first tryout for a TV show, my first horrible failing grade, my first relationship..
But I don't want to walk away from that apprehension towards failure anymore. I always read about how successful people fail many times before succeeding. I want to be like that. I want to climb up there.
It's okay to fail. Just get back up again..
But that's not all.....
Chances are, you might not go anywhere if you fall, get back up just to fall again because you did the same exact mistake that caused you to fall. Maybe if you're lucky or tough and persistent, you'd get over that and win. But let's be smarter..
Get back up again but with a different tactic this time. Learn from the mistake and try again another way.
Fail again.. It's okay.. Try a different angle this time. Besides, that's how scientists discover theories and inventions anyway, right? (:
Let's be scientists then!
Wednesday, 30 April 2014
Sunday, 20 April 2014
05- How to chase depression away
Today, I had a friend asking me if i had ever been depressed.
"I mean like it's beyond breaking down"
And that really made me think.
Have I really been so depressed that I went BEYOND breaking down?
For the past few months I had been feeling down here and there, crying till my eyes swelled and feeling miserable for a few days. But I had never gone Beyond that point. I realized that at the end of the day, I would start to pick myself back up again and look in the mirror and tell myself that I am indeed strong.
I used to think that I am depressed and weak. I am alone and no one would understand how I feel because I just don't how to make the words come out without blubbering like a whale. It's just that.. It's just.. blurgh.. bugh.. *sobs!* burghh...!!
But I am strong. I am able to pick myself up and see a direction in life. I know that I have great things to achieve and that I can always choose to occupy myself with great productive things (although actually doing productive things depends on my mood because I'm a lazy bun-bun. Haha)
So being the strong person I believe I am, I decided to give some advice to that friend of mine and luckily for me, I managed to make that person feel a little better despite going through some rocky roads. So here are some polished up modifications with regards to my ideas on how to chase those blues away!
1. Have a direction in life.
Ask yourself this: What do I want to be in the future? What are some great things that I want to accomplish that I can start slowly with? Don't go crazy mode on this and start with "I WANT TO BE A FAMOUS ROCKSTAR". That kind of thing is near impossible to achieve (unless you are absolutely persistent and you believe in your rockstar capabilities, then be my guest! )
Start with something simple like: I want to learn some video editing or some photography skills. That would totally look good on a resume.
Or something like: I want to learn latte art so I can make coffee in the shape of a peacock to impress my boyfriend.
Or maybe even: I want to draw something everyday to improve my skills slowly.
Tangible attainable things like these would definitely keep your head occupied with motivating activities that will make you excited to experience a new day of learning.
2. Do what makes you happy
I know this totally sounds cliche but it's true. The things that are of interest to you will be constant reminders of what makes you happy and what defines YOU. Once again, don't be all crazy and start breaking the laws as an excuse to happiness. One does not have to rebel to be happy.
Take up a hobby like video games and guitar playing or hardware hacking. Find some cool things to be interested in and go for it! Don't be afraid of being judged. Maybe your friends would think that you are a total nerd because you enjoy going to museums to check out art exhibitions. Well.. shame on them for being judgmental! There are always communities and opportunities for you to nurture your interests and hobbies and you are never alone. Don't feel like the odd one out when you want to do things. There is always someone out there who does have the same hobby as you!
3. Give
This is one thing that always makes me happy when I feel down. Someone just came up to you asking for a stick of cigarette. GIVE. You see an old lady selling tissue paper near the MRT. GIVE. A frail old grandma genuinely looks like she needs to sit down in the train or bus (walking stick and all). GIVE. A bunch of students are standing on the sidewalks with a tin can asking for Red Cross donations. GIVE.
Heck, you don't even have to wait for such opportunities to arrive. You can even actively do it on your own. I donated two huge bags of stuff to the Salvation Army during New Year's Eve, after a really sad day I had experienced. And it really liberated me a little, giving me a sense that some burden had been lifted or something. It does make me feel better that someone out there somewhere will receive my bundle of love and appreciate it. Someone out there will have some nice clothes to wear thanks to me. Or that they will have a nice meal thanks to me. If you are a "Sims" character and you have a meter that shows level of social compassion, level of depression, level of happiness, that social compassion meter and happiness meter will rise dramatically. And your depression meter will lower down even if it's a little. fo sho.
4. Company
This might be tough on some people who prefer to hide away in their rooms and lock themselves up, not wanting to talk to anyone. But once you find some company, things feel much lighter. It's great to have someone to talk to. To pout out and spill that baggage of emotions. However, do take into consideration to factor on privacy. Although it's tempting to just spill everything from A-Z, one should consider the feelings of others when one talks about others. You should not reveal nasty things about someone and bitch about them. That's not cool. Perhaps just rationalize your thoughts and think about what's really happening (unless that person is really a horrible person and beats you up or verbally abuses you, then yeah. take some action)
See, it's quite complicated because you don't want the negative energy to be leaked and spread across other people you come into contact to. (Like a toxic disease)
Company is great, but perhaps it would be best to keep the whale blubbering to a minimum and focus on getting yourself up and going.
5. Exercise
I seriously cannot express how much this helped. Refer to my previous post about endorphins to get a sense on how much I'm addicted to jogging. XD
I only have these suggestions in mind as of now since these are from my humble experience. Perhaps if I find some inspiration, I could add more.
I hope this helps anyone out there.
"I mean like it's beyond breaking down"
And that really made me think.
Have I really been so depressed that I went BEYOND breaking down?
For the past few months I had been feeling down here and there, crying till my eyes swelled and feeling miserable for a few days. But I had never gone Beyond that point. I realized that at the end of the day, I would start to pick myself back up again and look in the mirror and tell myself that I am indeed strong.
I used to think that I am depressed and weak. I am alone and no one would understand how I feel because I just don't how to make the words come out without blubbering like a whale. It's just that.. It's just.. blurgh.. bugh.. *sobs!* burghh...!!
But I am strong. I am able to pick myself up and see a direction in life. I know that I have great things to achieve and that I can always choose to occupy myself with great productive things (although actually doing productive things depends on my mood because I'm a lazy bun-bun. Haha)
So being the strong person I believe I am, I decided to give some advice to that friend of mine and luckily for me, I managed to make that person feel a little better despite going through some rocky roads. So here are some polished up modifications with regards to my ideas on how to chase those blues away!
1. Have a direction in life.
Ask yourself this: What do I want to be in the future? What are some great things that I want to accomplish that I can start slowly with? Don't go crazy mode on this and start with "I WANT TO BE A FAMOUS ROCKSTAR". That kind of thing is near impossible to achieve (unless you are absolutely persistent and you believe in your rockstar capabilities, then be my guest! )
Start with something simple like: I want to learn some video editing or some photography skills. That would totally look good on a resume.
Or something like: I want to learn latte art so I can make coffee in the shape of a peacock to impress my boyfriend.
Or maybe even: I want to draw something everyday to improve my skills slowly.
Tangible attainable things like these would definitely keep your head occupied with motivating activities that will make you excited to experience a new day of learning.
If you haven't seen the move rock star, I highly recommend that you do (:
2. Do what makes you happy
I know this totally sounds cliche but it's true. The things that are of interest to you will be constant reminders of what makes you happy and what defines YOU. Once again, don't be all crazy and start breaking the laws as an excuse to happiness. One does not have to rebel to be happy.
Take up a hobby like video games and guitar playing or hardware hacking. Find some cool things to be interested in and go for it! Don't be afraid of being judged. Maybe your friends would think that you are a total nerd because you enjoy going to museums to check out art exhibitions. Well.. shame on them for being judgmental! There are always communities and opportunities for you to nurture your interests and hobbies and you are never alone. Don't feel like the odd one out when you want to do things. There is always someone out there who does have the same hobby as you!
3. Give
This is one thing that always makes me happy when I feel down. Someone just came up to you asking for a stick of cigarette. GIVE. You see an old lady selling tissue paper near the MRT. GIVE. A frail old grandma genuinely looks like she needs to sit down in the train or bus (walking stick and all). GIVE. A bunch of students are standing on the sidewalks with a tin can asking for Red Cross donations. GIVE.
Heck, you don't even have to wait for such opportunities to arrive. You can even actively do it on your own. I donated two huge bags of stuff to the Salvation Army during New Year's Eve, after a really sad day I had experienced. And it really liberated me a little, giving me a sense that some burden had been lifted or something. It does make me feel better that someone out there somewhere will receive my bundle of love and appreciate it. Someone out there will have some nice clothes to wear thanks to me. Or that they will have a nice meal thanks to me. If you are a "Sims" character and you have a meter that shows level of social compassion, level of depression, level of happiness, that social compassion meter and happiness meter will rise dramatically. And your depression meter will lower down even if it's a little. fo sho.
4. Company
This might be tough on some people who prefer to hide away in their rooms and lock themselves up, not wanting to talk to anyone. But once you find some company, things feel much lighter. It's great to have someone to talk to. To pout out and spill that baggage of emotions. However, do take into consideration to factor on privacy. Although it's tempting to just spill everything from A-Z, one should consider the feelings of others when one talks about others. You should not reveal nasty things about someone and bitch about them. That's not cool. Perhaps just rationalize your thoughts and think about what's really happening (unless that person is really a horrible person and beats you up or verbally abuses you, then yeah. take some action)
See, it's quite complicated because you don't want the negative energy to be leaked and spread across other people you come into contact to. (Like a toxic disease)
Company is great, but perhaps it would be best to keep the whale blubbering to a minimum and focus on getting yourself up and going.
5. Exercise
I seriously cannot express how much this helped. Refer to my previous post about endorphins to get a sense on how much I'm addicted to jogging. XD
I only have these suggestions in mind as of now since these are from my humble experience. Perhaps if I find some inspiration, I could add more.
I hope this helps anyone out there.
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